An Intention of Thinking and Doing

I know I am a thinker but I didn't realize to what extreme. I am totally out of balance and now that I am aware of this, I want to bring the actual doing of things into the picture. I look back and see the things I should be doing or should have done and I must say I have come up with some very logical reasons as to why I couldn't accomplish these tasks, and of course it has been outside forces that have prevented any movement on my part.

Instead of actually mowing the lawn, I can spend a week while it gets longer and longer and harder to cut, theorizing about how it should be cut, what time of day, or maybe I should employ someone to do it. So now I have become aware of this and want to find a balance between thinking and doing.

I am currently reading the new book by Geneen Roth, Women, Food and God, and can't put it down. Yes, the book is about our relationship to food but it is so much more. I find it encompasses relationships, our day-to-day mundane lives, work, play, and how we see ourselves.

To me, at one point in the book she is talking about surrendering (not giving up, or letting someone else take control) but when you just let go and allow. It's hard to explain. She writes, "I don't know what to call this turn of events or the freshness that follows it, but I know what it feels like: it feels like relief. It feels like infinite goodness. Like a distillation of every sweet fragrance, every heart stopping beauty, every haunting melody you've ever heard. It feels like the essence of tenderness, compassion, joy, peace. Like love itself. And in the moment you feel it you recognize that you are it and that you've been here all along, waiting for your return. When you forget, which you always do, you suddenly understand that kindness to a stranger, a partner--brings you closer to this. Taking care of your body is taking care of this. That taking care of the earth is taking care of of this. And that you'd turn away from anything or anyone that asked you to leave this because this is what you've wanted, this is what you've longed for, this is what you've loved for eons. You know without knowing how you know that every step you've ever taken, every person you've ever loved, every task you've ever accomplished has been This meeting This. You returning to yourself. And that hell is nothing more than leaving this. Heaven is already here on earth."

Geneen is an amazing writer and from this I was reminded that when I have accomplished something in the past, completed that task that I thought was enormous, I felt amazing! The satisfaction and pride I felt was overwhelming and now I know that this was me returning to myself, giving expression through not only thinking but also doing. So my intention is to experience this feeling over and over again.

-Deborah Langlois